Your child’s birthday is an extremely special day. A day to be celebrated. Photographed. Scrapbooked. Remembered. It is a day where parents, grandparents, family, and friends reflect on how quickly the year has gone and how all of you cannot believe that your child is already (blank) years old. Since this day is special and the year has been remarkable, (which is true of every year), there must be a party to celebrate. Of course, what a fine way to celebrate children’s lives. A theme is picked, a cake is ordered. Balloons and decorations carry the theme through the event. Games are played, and often, there is even more, for the party must be a hit, starting with the theme and ending with the guest list. Herein lies the problem. The contemporary parent begins on a quest that they believe is essential to excellent parenting–to throw the perfect party. This conviction causes the modern parent to be faced with a present-day dilemma, “Whom to invite or not to invite. That is the question.”
In a simpler time, the invitation list to a birthday party was so much easier. It went something like this: a parent asked the teacher for a list of names of all the children in the class and from that list, the party invitations were made. Next, the birthday boy or girl, with the permission of the teacher, usually at the end of the day, passed out an invitation to each and every student in the class. What a thrill it was for every child to receive a personalized bidding for their presence on a Saturday or Sunday to a specific destination where there would be fun, food, and friendship for all!
That is how it was done in days of old. Come one, come all. Today, not so much. Amidst the growing number of helicopter parents who live and love to hover, who believe that everything in their child’s life is about their self-esteem, the list must be exclusive. Hover Mothers comb over the names of potential invitees as if their child’s birthday party were an event at the White House, where only the finest children will be honored with an invitation. Gone are the days where birthday invitations are passed out loud and proud because everyone is welcome. Often today, invitations are given out in secret, on the sly, because only a select few are welcome and the birthday girl or boy has been directed on how to give out the top-secret invitations so no one’s feelings get hurt.
What if we take a step back and consider another alternative. What if we keep the theme and all of the wonderful accessories that go with a fun birthday party, but we make one change. We initiate one very small, but enormous change. We, as caring, big-hearted, generous in spirit parents, create a guest list that is out of our comfort zone and inclusive of children whose only trait that makes them eligible for an invitation to our child’s birthday is that they know each other. They associate with each other because they are in the same class, on the same team, in the same club, in the same scout troop, or attend the same youth group.
What if we invite all the kids? Yes, all the kids, even that kid…who dresses weird…who talks funny…who is being raised by someone other than their parents…who gets on other kids’ nerves…who is socially awkward…who plays rough…who does not have friends…who has never been invited to a party. If that makes us nervous, that is okay. Maybe we feel like we might need help with additional children. Then, let us invite some parents to attend. That is right. Invite parents.
Lastly, what if your child, my child, is “that kid” who for whatever reason is the one who is left out, excluded. Think about the pain we would experience for our child. Now, imagine how grateful we would be to the parent who gave our child the opportunity to be included and made them feel wanted by other children. For this reason, let us remember that the world is filled with so many different kinds of people. Many of them are unique and challenging, but nonetheless, they are people who have value and worth. So, when “that kid” invites your child to their party – go!
