If you are the parent of a teenager today, blessings to you! I do not need to tell you that our young people are growing up in a time unlike any other. It can feel like social media and the advancements in devices have changed everything. Gone are the days of us telling our children to get off of the phone because they have been on it too long, or we are expecting a call and we do not want the line tied up. They have their own phone. No longer can we eavesdrop on their calls and have an idea of what is going on, because they do not actually talk on the phone. They text. They Snapchat. They Instagram. They tweet. How do we keep up? Is there a way to monitor, but not hover? Is there a way to protect and not smother? How do we keep them from growing up too fast? How do we navigate dating?
Answering any of these questions is even more challenging because our children know so much more about our devices than we do. All of this begins with endless hours of time spent talking with our children when they are pre-teens. So, what kinds of conversations must we have in order to keep them safe from their own foolish decisions and the risky influence of others? They intuit the internet. They are up on the latest apps and websites. Let’s face it, they are hip-to-the-scene! (I know I am dating myself.)
Where do we start? I believe the constant thread that lies in answering all of these questions is boundaries. Time boundaries. Personal boundaries. Emotional boundaries. Social boundaries. Dating boundaries. We must spend time with our children and teach them about these boundaries and how critical they are long before it is time to date.
Time boundaries – Many parents allow their children/teens to keep their phone in their rooms at night, charging. Parents, keep their phones in your room at night and charge it. This prevents friends from contacting them after hours and keeping them up all hours of the night.
Personal boundaries – This one can be a series of uncomfortable conversations. Talk about staying away from offensive language, threatening statements, profanity, and lewd comments. Sexting is probably one of the most excruciating topics, but it is a must. Teach your sons and daughters to never ask a person they are interested in to send them a naked picture of themselves. Teach your sons and daughters to never send a naked picture of themselves. Never! It is considered the distribution of pornography. Plus, all photos once they are shared, are out there on the world wide web forever!
Emotional boundaries – Teach your children to never post when they are hurt, angry, or heart-broken. There are situations that occur in our lives that we should keep private and only talk with those who are closest to us and worthy of our trust. Keeping strong emotional boundaries during vulnerable times can help the healing process to take place sooner.
Social boundaries – As friendships come and go, it can be tempting to post mean and hurtful comments, pictures, and emojis about people we are no longer friends with. Do not. Nothing good ever comes from this. Often it carries into school and interrupts their education.
Dating boundaries – If the other limits are in place, dating boundaries will be much easier to establish. Curfew (time boundary). How they will act in the presence of others (emotional boundary). Where they will go and what they will do on the date (personal boundary). The friends with whom they will go (social boundary).
Parents, we are the final decision-makers about when our children will be allowed to date. It depends on maturity, trust, grades, how strong their boundaries are, and if we approve of the person they want to go out with. Let us not allow our children to guilt us by talking us out of holding them accountable and keeping them safe. They might make statements like, “I can’t believe you don’t trust me!” “No one else’s parents are like you!” “You have rules that none of my friends’ parents have!” That is okay. Remember, our children are our most precious sweethearts and they need us to be loving and stay strong.
