Resources for grieving families in the Coachella Valley:
The holidays are upon us, family is all around us, music is playing, there are meals to prepare, gifts to be purchased, celebrations to look forward to. Yet, maybe, for some of us this isn’t a time to look forward to, it’s a time to dread. We are grieving a loss, and it’s hard.
If you are grieving this holiday season, and there are many of us, then you have to also balance out the mental health of yourself, your family, your other children, your spouse or partner, while also searching out resources to help manage this load. Not to fear, there are resources, and help, and it’s all around us.
Whether the loved one that you have lost is an unborn child, a child, a teenager, a young adult or even your parents: you are still raw and vulnerable and always managing to the grieving process. Smells, situations, and events can trigger the process. The biggest thing to embrace is your own mental health. You cannot be a good parent or a good partner if you aren’t taking care of yourself. You have to ask for help, and you have to be willing to accept the help that is available.
First, if you have children in school, at any grade level, all three public school districts have counselors on staff that are trained, licensed and offer help to all students. At most DSUSD schools there are grief groups, adjustment groups and individual group counseling. If more resources are needed there are SAP (Student Assistance Program) services that are available at no cost to students and their families. All the school districts have additional counseling, most of the time you just have to ask for help, or a referral, or sessions.
If you have private insurance, there are many different counselors available to your family, in many different formats. All you have to do is spend a little time on Google and look for one that might meet your family’s needs. A good counselor is like a shoe, there are different fits, widths and even materials so don’t be disappointed if the first one isn’t a fit for your family’s needs.
In addition to the private insurance route, there are agencies and establishments that can assist your family. The Barbara Sinatra Children’s Center (on the Eisenhower campus) is a phenomenal resource to our desert. They offer grief groups for children, families and individuals. They also have individual counseling, and family counseling and they offer a sliding scale for payment. The biggest obstacle to this resource is the waitlist that exists to get an ideal appointment time or a counselor.
You can always reach out to your primary care physician, and/or an urgent care and or an emergency department. Most of these providers are well trained in trauma and loss response and are able to help you process the gamut of emotions that you are facing.
If counseling makes you uncomfortable, maybe you need to pursue meditation, or exercise or another physical activity to cleanse your mind. There are many resources that are available to you. The bottom line is whatever works for you, will work for you. Movement and wellness coach, Jen Yockey, who has several options for families that are facing grief situations states that, “there is no playbook on grief.” The bottom line is that there is no right or wrong way to deal with grief, and the beautiful thing is that what works for you, works for you.
“Stress, anxiety, and sadness does not always look like what you think it does.” Jen Yockey, mom and counselor states, “There is no outline for what grief looks like, and there is no intended outcome.”
What we do know is that every behavior, every effect, has a root cause and when you identify the root cause, true healing occurs.
The biggest obstacle is to ask for help, accept where you are, and commit to moving forward in a positive way. Your family, your village, your people need you, and it’s your job to meet them with what you can, where you can, when you can.
Where you are is where you are, and the world is waiting for you to meet them. Continue to honor the loss that you face, and know that there is a plethora of resources for you, wherever you might be at this very moment. Today, and every day, the world is here for you, regardless of what that looks like.
