The holiday season is here. Fall fun and winter parties, visits from family and house guests, the smells of the season wafting through the house, decorations and a fully blinged-out tree that suddenly sprouts up in your living room… sounds wonderful, but for a child on the spectrum this could be a bit of a stressful time. Many kids with Autism spectrum disorder thrive on order and schedules.
On a personal note, my son hated trick-or-treating. The idea of knocking on a stranger’s door and asking for candy (after years of teaching him not to talk to or accept candy from strangers), wearing an uncomfortable costume, walking around in the dark, the sight of strangely dressed children, screams and laughter and spooky Halloween sounds… was all too much for my boy. This mama finally learned to not force him to conform to our strange traditions. Once I let go of, “I want him to experience what his typical peers get to do”, Halloween was then on his terms and he didn’t want to participate, and that was okay. His idea of fun isn’t always the same as that of his typical siblings and peers.
My son, like many on the spectrum, also suffers from severe anxiety. The holidays can seem like a crazy and spontaneous time. The regular schedule that brings a kid like mine peace of mind is out the window. How can we make “The most wonderful time of the year,” wonderful for our kids with autism? I’ve enlisted the help of a professional, Beth Aune, occupational therapist.
Beth Aune, OTR/L, is the owner of Desert Occupational Therapy for Kids, a pediatric outpatient clinic in Palm Desert that is dedicated to providing intervention and therapies for children on the autism spectrum, developmental delays, and other diagnoses. She has co-authored three books that are available on Amazon: Behavior Solutions for the Inclusive Classroom, Behavior Solutions: In and Beyond the Inclusive Classroom, and Behavior Solutions for the Home and Community. Beth also tours for speaking engagements and seminars with Dr. Temple Grandin of Future Horizons.
We talked about the holiday season and what parents can do to limit the stress and anxiety caused by the changes to regular routine. For family gatherings, big and small, Beth recommends, “Think about what you can reasonably expect or desire from your child. Would you like him to sit at the table with the family? What does he need to help facilitate this?” She says parents should consider preparing a favorite food, using a familiar plate and utensils, allowing him or her to sit in a favorite chair, and using sensory supports like headphones.
Beth also recommends frontloading the family. Let them know about the potential challenges of social gatherings during the holidays for your ASD child. This is not a time for you to feel judged as a parent or to receive unsolicited advice. For my family, giving my son (a very picky eater) a sense of control by preparing his favorite foods and putting them on the table has been beneficial. Be it chicken nuggets or pizza, a semblance of normalcy has definitely helped lower his stress level at family get-togethers. If he doesn’t feel like sitting at the table with the family, I prepare a more comfortable option for him.
According to Beth, “Holidays and related meals are not optimal time to try to get your ASD child to try new foods. They will already be under some stress being around more people and other unfamiliar things that are out of their routine. If they show an interest, go for it. Don’t force the issue.” Lastly, Beth Aune says, “As always, know your child’s limit. Identify a quiet place for them to escape or calm down if needed.”
If you are visiting someone else’s home, “don’t overstay – if your child is doing great, leave on a positive note. Don’t push it and stimulate a meltdown.” Plan ahead, bring comfort items and favorite foods, provide a quiet place for your child to decompress, and try to leave the party on a happy note. Try to make the experience as comfortable for your child as possible.
Making good memories makes a lasting impression on them, and they may look forward to the next holiday gathering with a lot less anxiety.
