As a parent, you want your child to learn how to be a good friend, and you know that learning how to make friends takes time and practice. As the parent of a toddler, you may wonder how this will ever happen. You have heard the (sometimes shouted, sometimes contradictory, often unreasonable) demands that are typical of toddlerhood. I recently heard a story of a toddler having a full-on tantrum – crying to her mother, “I don’t want my feet!” Like other parents, you surely have seen your child’s emotions swing from high to low and back again, sometimes in the space of just a few minutes. Many toddlers say things like “mine!” and “no!” several times a day. Toddler behavior can be difficult to handle and doesn’t seem like it would naturally lead to friendship. You can create opportunities for your toddler to practice playing with other children by scheduling play dates – just keep in mind a few tips for making your play date a success.
TEACH FAIR SHARING
By the time they learn to walk, babies already know a lot about positive social behavior, but that doesn’t mean they know how to share. During your playdate, teach toddlers how to ask and wait for a turn instead of grabbing a toy they want to use. If your child is using a toy and another child wants it, the fair thing to say is “Molly is using it now – you can use it when she is finished.” This recognizes the needs of both children – the one who has the toy and the one who wants it.
PLAY DATE, NOT BABYSITTING
Toddlers need to feel emotionally secure in order to play together successfully. Most of the time, this is going to mean having a parent or other trusted adult very close by. Make sure the other parent will stay for the entire time. Without this support, you are likely to spend your time comforting crying toddlers instead of coaching them on playing together. You might choose your toddler’s playmates by choosing a friend for yourself who happens to also have a young child.
MEET AT A NEUTRAL LOCATION
Toddlers are not known for their sharing skills. Toddlers live in the moment and do not yet understand that sharing their toys does not mean giving their toys away. Scheduling your play date at a park or other neutral place will prevent this kind of misunderstanding. It also provides plenty of space for running around and general silliness.
SHARE A SNACK OR MEAL
Eating together is a good way to develop positive feelings about each other. Also, toddlers need frequent breaks to replenish their energy. Bring simple finger foods like banana slices, Cheerios, and water and make it special by sitting down together on a picnic blanket. Serve each child a piece to model sharing. Let the children know each of them will get enough.
HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Toddlers enjoy doing things next to or near their friends and may be very interested in what the other child is doing, even if they don’t interact much. Plan for activities that allow for this type of play. Running around, dancing to music, and squishing play dough, are things that tend to work well.
Every experience provides a partial answer to a toddler’s driving question: “Is it okay to be me?” Play dates with other children are full of new experiences, so do your best to create as many “yes” experiences as you can. And don’t forget to have fun!
